6 January 2013

Little one Pt 2

***Warning, please take care reading this post.***

I woke up this morning feeling pretty yucky. So decided to start doing things and just not stop. That worked until this evening but there comes a point when either you have stop or something makes you stop. I had a bit of both. First was the fact that my feet, knees and back started to ache. Well, my back was more pain than ache. The second was the flashbacks that hit me so hard I dropped to the floor and curled into a ball. 

Looking through those eyes again. I didn't just see, didn't just feel her emotions but felt what he was doing. I told her that she could show me anything, let me feel anything and she is safe. I struggle myself to feel safe at times so it can be really difficult to tell her at times. Wonderful psychologist says to tell myself it a thousand times a day so that I do start to believe. I try. 

She, she wanted to show me something that I didn't remember before. I mean, I knew it happened. The first time he had full on sex with me. I don't know how old I am because I am looking through her eyes. There was so much pain. I felt tears running from her eyes, and running from mine as I remembered. 

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