29 July 2014

Liquids

I am having problems drinking again. 


Give yourself a break

I never did get back to write about my last appointment with lovely psychiatrist and, to be honest, I don't really remember that much about it now. It is a little frustrating. If I don't start writing close to the event I tend to forget most of it. I have the same issues with appointments with wonderful psychologist. Although I do remember a couple of things from our last one. 

23 July 2014

21 July 2014

Justification?

Why are there people who expect you to justify your decisions? What is it about some people that think it is their right to tell you what you should do? 

19 July 2014

How?

How do I tell if this is depression or just all the horrible stuff in my head?

I feel so awful. I can't seem to stop crying. I can't really be bothered to do anything that needs to be done.

I just want to run away.

18 July 2014

The way it is?

This has nothing to do with the past, nothing to do with the abuse. 

I had someone say something today. I just shrugged my shoulders and said it is just the way it is. I think I do that  because it hurts too much to think that it shouldn't be that way. I have been crying for the last half hour because I know that person is right. 

Part of this does relate to the abuse I guess. Acceptance of the way things were was what kept me alive. I guess that is similar to now. Just accept it and it won't hurt. However, every once in a while something happens or someone says something and I realise just how much it does hurt though. As much as I try to lock it up it does break through. 

I don't feel like I fit anymore. I don't feel like anyone cares. 


16 July 2014

Fifty-nineth appointment

I remembered some stuff through the week. 

I have been drawing a lot. I filled my A3 art pad. I was hampered by crutches so couldn't get another but I did get a scrapbook thing from the supermarket. I have my crayons, coloured pencils, textas and paints. I am not keen on the textas and the paints seemed to be for an actual specific thing and I don't feel the need to use them again. 


Point?

It seems to be difficult to see the point of continuing to do some things. It is hard to know what of those things are worth working on and what does need to be stopped.

14 July 2014

Petition

I found this link on another site I visit. 

The slogan triggered me. It is disgusting and vile. It is quite obviously referencing adults. However, princess was father's preferred term for me when he was doing stuff. There was others but that was his most used one. I don't have a problem with the word in the right context. This is not right. It is vile. I would ask if you would please consider signing the petition. 

http://www.change.org/en-AU/petitions/john-webb-founder-eliminate-misogynistic-and-degrading-slogans-and-imagery#

9 July 2014

Fifty-eighth appointment

She won't let me sleep. I calmed her for a while but she is screaming now.