26 October 2014

22 October 2014

Sixty-eighth appointment

Apparently today went well. Actually, I didn't feel that bad when I left today. 

I cried a lot of the way home. 

I really didn't have many flashbacks in the last week but had several on the way home. 

I'm tired but my mind is racing. 

I want to write but I don't want to. I want to draw but don't want to. 

Kind of mixed up at the moment. 

17 October 2014

9 October 2014

Lotus People

As I wrote previously I met with the psychologist who I have a memory of seeing when I was 16.

I took photos with me of that age. My face was familiar to her but she can't place it with a case. She asked me if she was familiar. I said sort of and then asked if she used to have red hair. She said yes, that she used to dye her hair a reddish colour.

8 October 2014

Sixty-sixth appointment

Lovely psychiatrist took me too the "scene". As he finished talking, I started flashbacks all types. Then I dissociated. It was a bit of work to get me back. He had to do a bit of work to bring me back. 

7 October 2014


I didn't want to leave the coast this morning. I did though. Nice drive down the coast, visited a gourmet food shop and then inland. 

I saw the psychologist from when I was 16, will talk of that another time. 

I checked into my hotel. I had room service dinner, 2 glasses of red wine and a 2 hour spa. 

I have said it before, I don't relax easily but I feel so relaxed right now. I think I may even be able to get some good sleep tonight. 

Good night (well it is for me) lovely readers. 

3 October 2014


The next 10 days is all going to be about relaxation for me. Taking some time out from all of this. I will have appointments with lovely psychiatrist and wonderful psychologist during this time but may divert away from the emdr. Not sure.

27 September 2014

Yay - sigh

What a rollercoaster of emotion the last few days have been.

I actually felt really good for most of yesterday.

25 September 2014


Sleep, who needs sleep. 

After a week or so of not sleeping too badly last night was dreadful and I feel hideous this morning. 

24 September 2014

Sixty-fifth appointment

Today was rather awful. 

Lovely psychiatrist didn't really understand until today why that word it just so awful. 

He didn't really understand a couple of things. I think both of those are sorted now. 

He didn't realise that the way it was said meant it was a good thing. Well, a good thing for father not for me. 

I don't want to talk about it right now. I plan to go and cry myself to sleep.